She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
