If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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