omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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