Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
