rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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