party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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