Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
