i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
