Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
