Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
