Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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