I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
