There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
