did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
