We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
