apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
