Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
