hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think your dad took our porno
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i think i just lost a toe
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
