Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
