if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
FUCK WHALES
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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