Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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