Don't you send me to vm
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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