coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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