I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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