I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
