I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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