Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she told me i tasted like america
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
