If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
