I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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