She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
