And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
