I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
