Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
