It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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