We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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