I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
