Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
