Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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