Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
