if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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