I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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