She's JV to your varsity
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
