Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
