are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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