yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
