Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
