Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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