I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
