I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
