I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
