Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
