I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
