Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
