Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
