The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
