would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
