im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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