Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
